vulnerability

It crept in quietly, although I knew it's presence before I opened the door to it- isolation. I get that way sometimes- solitude seems like so much more of a comfort than talking "it" out. "It" being almost anything these days. It amazes me, in quite an uncomfortable way, how much harder it is to run than to talk. Because vulnerability won over tonight and my heart was out on the butcher's block. And despite the lack of confirmation of what I was saying, or it's importance to me, the weight was lifted. The weight of isolation that would have otherwise pulled me over into an abyss with little comfort and a whole lot of darkness.
I still think I need time alone, but more to be with Christ, not be by myself. It makes me laugh, all these people who think the answer to our lives lies within us... what's waiting there is a huge pile of stinky disappointment. I know, I've listened to it and tried to live by it. The elation is temporary and the joy fleeting. And quickly.
But letting someone in seems to bring more clarity and life.

So, tonight I let Jesus in and welcome vulnerability.

And I will sigh with contentment and rest sweetly tonight.

Thank you, Jesus.