finding a place to rest my head...

and my heart.

I have been musing. And searching. So many things have distracted me in this journey to purpose, although I am sure they are not truly distractions at all but the small trials that God puts us through- The tests that allow us to prove what we've been listening, that we've learned; to share a bit of wisdom with someone else.

But I don't feel quite ready to rest my head or my heart on any one thing just yet... one resounding revelation or discovery. It is interesting to me as I sit and write this that many of the things in my heart that have tempted me to sin are no longer temptations per say, merely annoyances that buzz up to my ear once in a while. The root of their obsession is mostly dead; resolved of being deprived air, water, time and thought. That comforts me and I figure it is another by-product of this journey.

In the days ahead I hope to focus on a few things particularly: 1. the outward self. You may argue there is not a lot of spiritual fruit brought forth out of such discipline, but I disagree. And if you are a woman, you know that there is a lot of soul-ties between the food we eat, the emotions we have, and the desires we give into based on the latter and influenced by the former. Or vice verse, depending on the day. :) Oh, what God must have known we'd do with the gift of emotions He gave us... the ways we'd manipulate and confuse their purposes. So, onto better choices in hopes that outward discipline and motivation will polish up the inner (wo)man.

2. Shutting down the Internet usage. Ok, not shutdown exactly. Perhaps screen is a better word. I am not one to "surf the net" as some do. But I will dig deeper and deeper into the few sites I do frequent in hopes of finding some... well, honestly, connection. Connection to something relevant in my life. And the triangles are vicious- emails, FB and Myspace... blogs, Yahoo news, AOL. You may be asking yourself, "didn't she just profess less Internet usage a little bit ago"? To save you the archive hunt- I did. And I will do it again. It's one of my vices. What can I say?

3. Prayer for my family. My husband, my daughter, my mom, my sister, my dad... they all need prayer. Just like I do, which I readily admit, but I have an advocate on my side (Christ) and they need someone to petition on their behalf. So I will.

4. Worship. Because could it ever be enough? Are words ever going to fully describe or music ever fully glorify? I think not. So I will focus on Him and see what comes out. God is glorious and the creativity is within me. Why not let Him draw out that which He already put in??


So there, a vagabond's hope. Some place to rest.